“The one” pops up in your life when you least expect it. “The one” is the person you least expect them to be. They could be the one sarcastic asshole you thought you hated, while one day, out of the blue you realize that his one liners and your constant bickering are actually amusing. They could be that girl who you automatically assumed was a delinquent because she smoked, but then you realize that this girl had a tragic back story. They could be the one helpful friend you side-lined while trying to pursue someone who possibly didn’t care about you. My point being, despite always keeping your eyes open, you always tend to fall for the one person you never thought you’d fall for.
Being in love with your best friend is the most unpredictable twist you will ever come across in life. It is completely different from all the other crushes you’ve had. Long story short, it’s bittersweet. It’s a state of confusion and constant worry. It is having numerous unanswered questions, but not quite wanting to find out the possible answers. It’s a state of fear, as to whether this could bring an end to a much well treasured friendship. You don’t want to screw up the friendship, but you don’t want to continue pretending to be “just friends” when “just friends” is the last thing you want to be.
Being in love with someone you know inside out can be exciting and exhausting at the same time. Especially, if they aren’t aware of your feelings towards them. You have been with them through their highs and their lows. You know all their embarrassing secrets, the weird stories and confessions that aren’t meant to go public. You know all about their terrible dates, mistakes they’ve made and all their quirky kinks. You have numerous inside jokes which crack you up the moment the mere thought crosses. In fact, you both speak a language of your own, which nobody else has understood to this day.
What’s so beautiful about being in love with your best friend is its purity. The lust factor is almost non-existent. You know how physically attractive they are, but you’re aware that it’s their mentality that syncs perfectly with yours. You know that your best friend deserves so much better than those imbeciles who failed to see what you see in them. You know how caring and passionate they can be and it turns you on immensely. You know how vulnerable they can be at times and you know exactly how to take care of them. You know them so well and you know how strong your feelings for them are, and it sometimes freaks you out. You know it’s real because you can pinpoint what exactly their problems are, but regardless of their flaws and insecurities you find yourself deeply in love with them. This situation is described perfectly in a cheesy quote which says “Once you fall in love with someone’s personality, everything about them becomes beautiful”.
Despite how wonderful the feeling is, the situation often frustrates you. You subtly flirt with them and try to drop a few hints, but they never seem to get it. It’s almost as if every time you’re being nice, they assume that you’re flirting, and every time you flirt, they just assume that you’re only being nice. You go out of your way to help them out when they need you. You listen to their rants at 2 AM, batting a half open eyelid. You try your best to cheer them up when their ex upsets them only to get a “Thank you for being such a good friend” in return. While your friend is crying on your shoulder, you grimace and tell them “It’s okay. I’m always here for you” while patting their head. It takes you all your willpower to not kiss them in that vulnerable state. You physically have to hold yourself from blurting out those three words which could either ruin or make your day (perhaps maybe even your life). The uncertainty terrifies you. The uncertainty prevents you from making a single move.
Many call you a coward for not expressing how you truly feel. What they fail to understand is how terrifying it can be. You can’t count the number of times you almost said those words but stopped yourself halfway. It’s not that you can’t handle possible rejection. It’s just that you can’t handle the awkwardness that follows your one-sided confession which could potentially destroy your friendship. It’s the fear that your friendship will never be the same. It also worries you that your friend might agree to date you, just to appease you when the feelings aren’t mutual. Even though there is a brief moment of happiness, it would upset you further in the long run. The saying “Dating your best friend might be fun. But breaking up with them results in the loss of a best friend as well as a partner.” frightens you to no end. While you would love to believe that they are your best friend and you would work it out and last a long time, the ugly truth ruins your fantasies. The future is not yours to see, and anything is possible.
In spite of all this, you would continue to love them even if you have to do so silently. Because they are the only thing that makes you look forward to the next day. The only thing that makes your existence tolerable. Their smile brightens up your gloomiest day, which is why you continue trying to make them laugh even if you’re stuck in the friendzone. The “successfully escaped the friendzone” posts will continue to motivate you. Maybe someday you’ll get that ten seconds of insane bravery and tell them how you feel. Maybe it will all work out. Maybe you’ll get over it and laugh at the fact that you used to like them at your best friend’s wedding five years later. Maybe your best friend is going through the same dilemma and scared to vocalize their feelings too. Maybe, just maybe.
